diabetes --- it's only for attention.

new endo appointment in the morning ... unfortunately i can't sleep. it's 4:30am and i'm wide awake. it's driving me slightly crazy ... or maybe my crazy-ness is making me not sleep. i have a lot on my mind and i have a lot i want to talk to the doctor about tomorrow, hopefully she'll be a good endo. i haven't had a good one in a long time. my blood sugars have been consistantly high. it seems that no matter how much i pump myself full of insulin i stay above 200 lately, until tonight at work when i went from 400 to 70. it made me feel rediculous. and of course it was at work, where no one understands. and that's the worst thing about it all, no one ever understands how you feel, work or not. i had someone tell me it's all for attention. ha ha obviously ... i've been attached to a machine for 4 years and 2 weeks, for attention. i prick myself 10 times a day ... for attention. i watch what i eat and feel like crap half the time ... for attention. i don't blame someone who doesn't live it every day for having questions, for being curious, or wondering what it's like, but to tell me i live this life for attention? yes, i chose to have type one diabetes. or the girl who told me she wishes she had diabetes so that she had to watch what she ate. i'm constantly amazed at the ignorance of people. but you can't blame them, because they really don't understand and i pray with every part of my soul that they don't have to ever understand the disease personally. i don't wish it on anyone.

Minimed Carelink USB

I got my free Carelink today in the mail. I'm pretty excited about it. It seems to work great and the best part of it all ... it's free!

I'm officially done with my internship for college today! Woohoo! Now I just have to finish up all of my homework for the semester ... today! And it's a lot of work ... I'm a little bit behind so that's what I'll be doing alllllllllllllllllll day. But I'm so excited to be done for the semester.

And it's beautiful out!

D.I.A.B.E.T.E.S.

REASONS TO BE GLAD WE HAVE DIABETES

*In a group hostage situation you can be sure you'll be among the first to be released, faster than you can jingle your MedicAlert bracelet and say "hey, does anyone have a drink? I'm feeling thirsty ..."

*You can speak with some authority on the subject of diabetes - unlike say, the subject of the current up-to-date situation in the Middle East - and wow friends and family with statistics and lots of complex, polysyllabic words like "hypoglycemia."

*Rort the system and use it to get out of tricky university exams.

*When friends are arguing about where to go out to eat, you can say "I have to eat NOW" loudly - which usually means that they will exchange worried looks and hurry to the restaurant of your choice, little knowing that really you were just hungry and didn't feel like Thai.

*Who wants a fully functional pancreas anyway? It's so common.

*Even though you may have no letters from that secret admirer, you'll always have diabetes-related junk mail so you can know at least that you'll have something to pull out of the mailbox in case neighbours are watching.

*You get to finely hone your swearing abilities with all those times when your BSL isn't what you expected.


*Enjoy the giddy feeling of living dangerously ALL THE TIME: "Bungee jumping? A walking tour in Zaire? PAH! I have DIABETES!"


*When annoying men ask you "why do you always drink Diet Coke? You’re so image- conscious. Girls are always worried about their weight.." you can reply with "I have diabetes" and watch in delight as they turn bright red and mumble an apology.

*Thanks to (occasional of course) hypos and very high blood sugars, you can experience unique body sensations and hallucinatory adventures without the use of illegal, expensive drugs: a cheaper night out!

*Should you ever meet that special someone and s/he happens to have diabetes, you'll always have something to talk about during those Awkward Silences. You can also employ unique flirting techniques: "I'll show you my injection bruises if you show me yours ..."

*Should you ever NOT meet that special someone on a blind date or otherwise, just pull out your handy drug kit and excuse yourself for a well needed "fix" in the toilet.

*Getting a tattoo is a breeze - it just feels like a few more injections than normal.

*Amuse yourself by trying to predict exactly what your BSL will be after that piece of sugar-coated mud cake, with honey and ice cream on the side.

A counselor talking to a diabetic "you are very lucky to have this problem, your house is saved now. No thief will enter your house in the night, as you keep going to toilet frequently.


Signs You Have May Low Blood Sugar

10) The walk home is suddenly several blocks longer than it usually is. [I think that's how I made my 10,000 steps today!]

9) You wake up with the alarm clock in your mouth.

8) You wonder why your phone call isn't connecting -- and then you realize you're punching buttons on the TV remote, not the phone.

7) You ask your partner if the cat is for lunch.

6) Emails from your boss make even less sense than usual.

5) You notice that it's a little chilly outside -- because you're not wearing any clothes.

4. you've turned into John McEnroe and you've never played tennis.

3. you wake up lying in bed, with the jelly bean jar on your chest and your mouth bright blue.

2. your family have watched in surprise as you ate 4 adult meals and you even sopped the dregs/gravy from THEIR plates.

1. your attempt at humour in the supermarket checkout queue was badly received by the lady with a baby, and now she's looking nervously at you and backing away quickly to another checkout.

meters, meters, and more meters ...

i have meters, tons of different meters. but i really only use my one touch meter. yesterday in the mail i received my new one touch link meter for my insulin pump. i'm so excited (you know you're life is fascinating when you get happy over a meter.) i never really used the original meter that came with the pump because i always felt like it gave incorrect numbers. but this new meter is great ... yeah it lacks some stuff (like a back light.) but over all my numbers are right and it sends them to the pump quick and i love that i don't have to type them in.

shot ... glasses.

i just got back from my trip to florida on sunday. it was absolutely amazing. the weather was high 80's the whole time and it was beautiful. i got to spend some much needed time with my friends who live there and i had a great time.

going through security on the other hand ... not so fun. i've heard from so many different people that they have no trouble traveling with their pumps but for some reason no matter what i get to deal with some major pump drama in security every single time. for the most part i get to go to the little see through glass room and have a female security officer come through and pat me down and feel me up and wave a wand over me and run those special little bomb papers over my pump, usually they do it because for some reason my pump sets off the beeping thingy you walk through. but on the way back i can't remember if i was in tampa airport or newark airport i didn't set the thing off but because i told the guy i had an insulin pump i had to go somewhere else ... if i hadn't said anything i would have been able to go through like any other person lol.

either way ... even with all of the issues at the airport and with the insane price i had to pay to eat in the air port i had a great time. it was my first time ever flying by myself and i was a nervous wreck but i think i did a great job. hopefully tomorrow i'll get some pics up from my trip.

on another note i'm doing a project for college that involves shot glasses from other states, towns, and countries. in order to do the project i need shot glasses. i have a couple from australia, florida, new york, and new jersey but i definitely need more. if anyone is willing to help me out that would be awesome! you can leave me a comment here or you can email me at shoeboxofdreams@yahoo.com thanks so much!!!

there are so many times that i complain about my diabetes. i get mad at my pump ... i get angry when my pump supplies don't come the exact day that the company says that they'll arrive. i complain about my copays on my pump supplies, my insulin, or my test strips. the thing is who am i to complain? i have plenty of test strips. i have insulin. and i have pump supplies. there are so many people out there who can't even get the supplies that they need much less actually get an insulin pump with out jumping through hoops. diabetes may not be the easiest thing to live with but i'm thankful that i'm able to receive the supplies that i need to keep my body as healthy as possible. i may complain about the copays that i have to pay but i'm thankful that i have insurance that is willing to cover what i need. over all i think sometimes it's better to sit back and be thankful for the little things we may have instead of complaining about what we don't have.

not so great :-(

i didn't have a very good week. i've been crazy stressed and worried about a lot of different things and to add to the not feeling very well emotionally i haven't been feeling very well physically. i lost my voice and have been sort of sick to my stomach.

and to add to all of that ... i had my 3rd weigh in for weight watchers tonight.

+ .6 pounds

to some that may not be a lot and technically i too know that it's not a lot but it was hard for me to hear. i know it's just a small set back but it's sad and i was extremely disappointed. i don't cheat with my points and i don't normally use my flex points either. i'm just sort of sad about it and i think it's probably a combination of everything. in the end i'm still going to stick with it and hopefully i'll be back to losing next week instead of gaining.

sooo... total weight lost: 7.0 pounds